Our European vacation began with a six day bike ride down the Rhine River, from Strasbourg, France to Mainz, Germany. We rode bikes during the day and slept on a barge at night. All of our forward motion was either in the seat of our bikes or on in our berths on the boat. That changed when we finished the trip on Saturday, the fifth of July.

I reserved a car in Mainz. I found a great deal through Europcar. Picking up the car was a bit of a challenge. Driving it through Germany and Switzerland was also a challenge – the kind of challenge I love.

Linda and I hopped on a bus in oldtown Mainz and made our way to the car rental office. When we arrived, we heard that the computers were down and had to wait with the other 20 people in line. It really didn’t take that long to get our car. We got a new Renault Symbioz, a cool compact SUV. It and plenty of room for the four of us, plus all of our bags.

Language is always an issue when driving in a foreign country. My German is pretty good. Linda’s is not so much. This was evident when Linda wondered why the rental company wished us a safe journey by saying “Have a good fart.” (Fahren is the German word for Drive).

The new Renault had all the bells and whistles that one would expect in 2025. The problem was, it had too many bells and whistles, and I didn’t know how to, or didn’t want to turn them off. The most annoying was the sound that the car made whenever I drove over the speed limit (a frequent occurrence). The car made a high-pitched pinging noise as soon as I drove more then one kilometer above the posted speed limit. It didn’t stop until I slowed down enough to satisfy the car’s computerized detection system. The pings sounded like we were in a submarine and an enemy above was lobbing depth charges our way. Our sonar picked up every charge and let me know they were heading our way.

ping . . . ping . . . ping . . . ping . . .ping . . . .

The other sound that annoyed me to no end occurred whenever I strayed over a line in the road for over three seconds. Between the narrowness of many of the roads I drove, other cars, busses, and trucks coming my way, and road construction, I quite often strayed over lines.

First, I’d see a message on the dashboard that read “Passen Sie auf und farhen Sie vorsichtig!”, which in English means something like “Hey dumbass. Pay attention before you kill someone!”. The sound the car made after displaying the message was worse. It squelched in a reverberating sound that resembled a Droid fart (if Droids fart – I’ll have to ask R2D2 next time I see him).

braffff . . . brafff . . . brafff . . . brafff . . . .

Overall though, I loved driving in Germany and Switzerland. Germany has Autobahns, high-speed interstates that, in some places, have no speed limit. At one point on our way to Freiburg, I found out the car does 176 kph (about 110 mph) with no problem, excluding the looks on the faces of my three passengers.

Switzerland has some crazy roads and lots and lots of tunnels. I was glad the car came with a top-of-the-line GPS system. The map on the screen told me which roads and tunnels to take, often showing my route in very interesting views.

After a week of driving in Europe, it’s nice to back in Canada (where we are staying for a few weeks) driving our own car. Roads here are a little more sane, a little wider, and a lot slower. Plus, I’ve had a chance in our new Ford Escape to turn off all the sonar pings and Droid farts.