Our time in Sigriswil came to an end on Wednesday, the ninth of July. Neal and Randa had a flight out of Zurich the following day and my job was to drive them to Zurich where they had a room by the airport. Linda and I also had a room near Zurich, where we planned on staying a couple of days to explore a bit more of Switzerland. On the way to Zurich, we stopped for a few hours in Lucerne.

I’d heard from several friends that Lucerne was a place we needed to see. Many of the comments I heard were about the beauty of the city and Lake Lucerne. We had to go.

Lucerne is beautiful. At least, the part we saw. My first impression though was that it is just another big city in Europe. One with hordes of tourists who also heard about the city’s beauty.

After finding a parking spot (not always an easy thing to do in big European cities), the four of us wandered down a walking path that followed the Flus Reuss (Reuss River) toward the old part of town. We walked along the path with throngs of tourists from all over the world. I tried to make a few photographs of the river, but it was hard to see through all the people thronging about.

The general flow of people took us to the Spreuerbrucke (Spreuer Bridge), on of the most famous landmarks in the city.

The Spreuerbrucke dates back to the 15th century. It’s one of the most beautiful wooden bridges in the world and is named after mill debris. It also has 67 paintings from the 17th century that depict death – the Grim Reaper sure got around in those days.

We thronged across the bridge and I made a few photographs. Once on the other side of the river, we searched for what we always searched for when traveling in Europe – beer. We found a great place along the river. The Rathaus Brauerie served great cold beer and even good pretzels.

We didn’t get to explore much of Lucerne. Neal was in search of a particular chocolate store. Randa, Linda, and I followed along, walked up a very touristy street filled with shops, bars, and chocolate stores. Here are three stories from our walk up Hertensteinstrasse.

The Happy Cow

As we strolled up Hertensteinstrasse, looking for Max Chocolatier, we stopped in a few shops to browse for nothing in particular. Randa was always in search of small souvenirs from places we visited. Linda was always in search of cute shirts. I tagged along, checking out the gifts and wares available.

We walked into a three-story gift shop. This place had everything that said “Welcome to Switzerland”. The first floor had refrigerator magnets, stuffed animals, decorated cow bells, 1,400 types of Swiss cheese, and just about anything else tourists might want to take home to prove they visited Switzerland. The second floor had more touristy stuff along with a plethora of watches and clocks. The third floor was all chocolate (Neal went there, but didn’t buy any chocolate, as he was determined to shop at Max Chocolatier).

I was on the second floor, browsing around when I heard a cow moo. Not a real cow, of course. It was a cow in a can.

As I looked toward the mooing sound, I saw a most beautiful young woman walk toward the sound. The young woman was dressed in a floor-length white dress and had a matching very large white bow in her hair. Perhaps she was going to a wedding (hers?) or coming from one. At any rate, when she reached the table with the cans of cows, she grabbed one and started shaking it wildly. As she waved the cow can wildly up and down, the cow blurted out sounds of death (or perhaps an orgasm).
MAA . . . MAA . . MAAAAAA . . . M . . . MAAAaaaaaaaa . . . .

A store clerk quickly approached her, took the can of cow from here hand, tipped it upside-down once, and then tipped it back upright.

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I don’t know who enjoyed the scene the most. Maybe the other tourists watching the pretty young woman jerk off a cow in a can. Maybe the young woman did. I certainly did. The store clerk probably didn’t. My money says the cow enjoyed it the most.

Sunami

The four of gathered on the first floor and exited back onto the street, heading northeast toward Max Chocolatier. I stopped to make a photograph of the street. That proved to be a big mistake. Neal, Randa, and Linda continued walking. I was about to catch up with them when I was swallowed up by a wave of Japanese tourists. A big wave. A SUNAMI. I tried to escape, but I was trapped. Neal, Randa, and Linda kept going, getting farther and farther away. For every step I took trying to catch them, I took two steps backward. I panicked as I tried to breathe while searching for an escape route. I was scared, and I’ve found in life that, when I’m scared, I suddenly need to pee. I eventually made my way to one side and popped out into the open, searching for my lost companions. Fortunately, Neal is quite tall and I was able to spot them several blocks ahead. I survived. I still needed to pee.

The PlayPlace

It turns out, I wasn’t the only one in need of a bathroom. Randa also felt the urge. We searched up and down the street looking for a big WC sign (Water Closet). We couldn’t find one. Randa spotted a McDonalds Restaurant nearby.
“McDonalds always has clean bathrooms.” I said.
“Let’s go there.” Randa replied.

Off we went into the house that Ronald built. This place was huge. Two stories of tourists eating Big Macs, fries, colas, and chocolate shakes (probably made with Swiss chocolate). We didn’t find any bathrooms on the first floor. We ascended the stairs to the second floor. The bathrooms were situated in the back. I approached to door to the men’s bathroom first. The door was locked. No sounds came from inside. Randa found the door to the woman’s bathroom also locked. There were, however, sounds coming from inside.
“The doors are locked. It looks like you need a code to pee.” I told Randa.
“Maybe you need to buy something.” she replied.
“If I were you, I’d hang out by the door. As soon as it opens, you can go inside.”
“What will you do?” Randa asked.
“When you’re done, you can let me in, and then guard the door till I’m done.”

The woman’s door opened and two women came out. Randa went in. I waited by the door for her to finish and let me in. Before she did, though, three more women approached the door, waiting their turns. Randa exited. The three woman entered. I did not.
“Did you go?” Randa asked me.
“Not yet.” I said.
“What are you gong to do?”
“If some guy with a code doesn’t come soon, I’ll climb into the PlayPlace, lower myself into the plastic balls, and relieve myself there.”, I joked.

Randa left. Two men finally approached the bathroom. They both spoke English. One had actually bought McDonalds food and had a receipt. He unlocked the door and the thee of us piled in.

I met Randa, Linda, and Neal outside. Randa looked at me and asked if I ever got into the men’s room. I smiled and told a little lie.
“The PlayPlace will never smell the same.”

Here are a few photographs from Lucerne.